Toilet Monster: Not as great as it looks, apparently.

September 5, 2007

21ejx697hxl_ss500_.jpgFor sale on Amazon: The Toilet Monster.

“Scare the crap out of your family and friends with the Toilet Monster!
Halloween isn’t the only time for scary fun! Painted, rubberized Toilet
Monster easily attaches or detaches (sic) to your toilet seat in seconds
with 8 built-in suction cubs. (
Suction cubs?–GL) It’s nearly impossible to tell it’s there
under the lid, waiting to shock your unsuspecting victim! 13 x 15″ and
washes clean with mild detergent. You’ll scream with laughter as the
Toilet Monster scares the crap out of one person after another.”

The reviews are great too…like this one…

“…for more than a couple of minutes (no matter what I did) the
toilet monster kept falling into the drink. Overall it was quite
underwhelming as a practical joke. I’ve gotten much better results for
the same money with other products.”

Why I love this.

1.Image of man getting angrier and angrier as he attempts to stick toilet monster to lid. (“Stay on! STAY ONNNNNNN!!!”)
2. Image of man reaching into water over and over again to retrieve toilet monster.
3. When he finally did get it going, it obviously didn’t really work brilliantly.
4. “Other products“!

(More wacky Amazon stuff here)


  1. That’s not the kind of product that leaps to mind when you’re browsing around Amazon is it?

  2. They should rebrand it as a way of stopping my puppy from drinking out the toilet bowl.

  3. Why do you WANT to stop your puppy drinking out of the toilet bowl? Let’s be young and free!

    “Other products” = clingfilm stretched across bowl. Copyright Billy Connolly. “And the poor drunken man screaming ’cause he can’t work out why his pee is bending.”

  4. If I want to scare my kids I’ll just let my Dad crap in my toilet after he’s been on the Guinness.

  5. I can see it now…
    Man comes out of the communal work toilet carrying a paper and is almost knocked over by a lady rushing in. He then turns to his co-worker
    MAN: Oh, did I tell you I bought one of those joke monsters that you can stick in the toilet?
    MAN 2: Wow, its good.
    MAN: Very… I haven’t put it in yet.

  6. Do you want a puppy licking your face straight after drinking out the toilet bowl? He has bog breath!

  7. But which is worse, dog breath or bog breath? There’s not much in it!
    Every time you flush, three gallons of clean water pour thru yr toilet, so I wd think it’s actually pretty clean in there. I wouldn’t drink it myself, but I probably wouldn’t die if I did.
    But if you’re worried, what about leaving the seat down?
    You don’t half get some great conversations on the interweb.

  8. I’m a bigger fan of the ISS (It’s So Simple) Mouse Trap from Amazon – it’s on that list. It’s just a bucket and plank of wood. Once placed in a strategic way, the mice run up the plank and into the bucket.

    You’re clearly supposed to be thinking ‘Wow, I can’t believe I never thought of that. It’s so simple…’, and caught up in your amazement, you buy the product before realising it’s just a frikkin’ bucket and a plank of wood.

  9. My dog loves Polo mints, so actually his breath is minty fresh.

  10. “You’ll scream with laughter as the
    Toilet Monster scares the crap out of one person after another”

    Surely to see your intended victim in terror you’d actually have to be in the toilet with them at the time.

  11. True toilet story. In 1998, I arrived at the Holiday Inn on the Cayman Islands, iritable after the long flight. In my bathroom loo was someone else’s turd which just WOULD NOT go despite manifold attempted flush solutions.

    I ran out of the room, collared a maid and brought her back. I shouted, “look at that!”, pointing to the turd. I flushed. It vanished instantly.

    The maid, clearly scared, nodded to show how impressed she was and vanished instantly as well.

  12. Maxley, perhaps that was the “other product” mentioned by the disappointed Amazon reviewer…

  13. I don’t know how else to send this through but thought you might be interested in this. It’s the Chaser guys from Australia. Today they caused a bit of embarrassment after breaching the security at the APEC summit. Apparently over $160 million has been spent on the security measures.


    Chas was dressed as Osama bin Laden too.

    The general feeling from the public seems to be “nice work guys”. I don’t think having the summit in the middle of the busiest city in the country has won many fans. The disruptions have been ridiculous. We have a massive country with a lot of beautiful areas yet the powers that be chose Sydney’s CBD. Go figure.

  14. MAN (taking down trousers)
    Right, that’s it. I’m never buying scary toilet-related jokes again. From now on I’ll be getting my woofs using bog-standard floaters. I can’t wait to see their faces. Tee hee.

  15. Yes Toilet Monster is funny.

    But I was really leaving a note to say that I’m directing the U.S. premiere of Mark Doherty’s Trad and have really been aided by your commentary on Father Ted and Big Train to dissect comedy. I learned a great deal. thanks.

    People DO listen to your commentaries.

  16. Yeah, the commentaries on Ted are grand, though Graham’s faintly embarassed tone throughout amused me greatly – as if he expected that no-one wanted to hear what he might have to say on the series!

  17. I agree. The Ted commentaries are invaluable when it comes to plotting and scripting a sitcom. Also, the cast commentaries on Black Books are great, although it would have been very nice to have heard Dylan and Graham discussing the first series together.

  18. Dogs should not eat polo mints!!!

  19. Those Ted commentaries are why I’m squandering work time on this blog right now.

  20. not related but just wondering if anyone else has spotted the beebs latest piece of funography.

    i just logged into the iPlayer (shit) to see if there was anything worth getting (there isn’t) but right there on the first page

    “Help! I Smell of Fish
    Documentary about three people who have Fish Odour Syndrome – an incurable condition which causes sufferers to smell of anything from rotting fish to stale sweat to faeces.”


    What’s worse is it’s clearly three shows ‘Help! I smell of fish”, “help! i smell of stale sweat” and “help! i smell exactly like shit” condensed into one programme for the hard of understanding.

  21. Hey Graham, have yo ever read the reviews for some of the foods?

    For Tuscan Whole Milk:
    “There are few gifts I like to recieve more than milk. Whole milk too. That’s the kind of milk that says that it’s real. It’s right. It’s whole. I want that milk to sit there for years because that’s what you do with milk. There’s nothing better than milk – well except maybe radishes.”

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