Jammy Smears

Another reason not to see shitty new Indiana Jones movie

No, not this hideous Empire cover …No, there’s something even more heinous going on than a boyband member in a leather jacket. There’s this.

Mutilating ‘Star Wars’ in the editing room, castrating Darth Vader in the prequels, taking the guns out of ‘ET’, and now pissing all over Indy’s hat…no, even worse this time; pissing over the fans…will Lucas and Spielberg ever stop thinking of ways of destroying their own legacy?

Mobile in microwave

What happens when you put a mobile phone in a microwave?

(via Neatorama)

“Thank you very much, you’ve been very helpful.”

On the subject of pranks, have you met Robin Cooper? And furthermore, may I direct you to The Swan and The Rat?

Canvas Stretching

I’ve arrived shamefully late to the Fonejacker party. I have to admit, the reason I held out this long is that I got that stinky ‘Balls Of Steel’ smell off of it (funny how balls of steel just smell like regular balls) because of the in-yr-face balaclava and editing style…oh, and the way they spell ‘Fonejacker’ …and I only came round when it started winning loads of awards. Oh, that’s right, baby–I’ve got all the shallow you need right here.

When it’s bad, it’s only bad for a few seconds (asking old ladies if they use lube wasn’t funny when they did it on ‘Something For The Weekend’) but when it’s good, it’s good for a good long time and there were moments when I had to stop the DVD in order to catch my breath. I picked the above clip partly because he found such a star at the other end of the line.

Ryanair–London to Dublin in 20 hours

A friend of mine recently had the classic Ryanair experience–leaving the line to board the plane because her three year old kid had to go to the toilet, she first got assurances that she had time to go, and the plane would not leave without her. When she got back, the plane was gone. Then, the wait began. Other Ryanair flights to her destination left, and she was kept waiting. In the end, exhausted mother and child boarded a flight nineteen hours later.

The classic Ryanair experience always involves one of their representatives basically calling you a scumbag for flying with them, and a stewardess did indeed say “You shouldn’t have bought the flight, should you?” Things like this make me wish we were still doing ‘Father Ted’–we would definitely do a Ryainair storyline; turning Michael O’Leary into a professional Paddy who is forever laughing at his own weak jokes while shitting on his customers wouldn’t be much of a stretch.

Anyway, Lou, as you know, Ryanair do their best to make it impossible for their customers to have any means of contacting them or having their complaints heard, but this site tries to redress the balance. Maybe other Ryanair victims can benefit from it too.

“Sunsets were mocked.”

(Thanks Tommy and Daragh!)

Chatbox

Wonderland

(via Boing Boing)

Rip it up and start again

Amazing! Two documentaries on last night and neither of them were about mutated cocks or freaks of nature. Jon Ronson’s Reverend Death was a riveting look at assisted suicide through the distorted lenses of Reverend Exoo and his traveling suicide show. (Jon Ronson is a mate, so you can take this with a pinch of salt if you like, but I thought it was his best work yet.) And ‘Home Again’ was an inspiring portrait of Edwyn Collins, who was badly affected by a stroke two years ago and is clawing his way back to a normal life. Terribly touching, and a reminder of how powerful television can be when it is not being made for the kind of people who only read ‘Bizarre’ magazine.

Edwyn’s probably best known for this, but here he is post-stroke, post-recovery, proving that it takes more than massive brain trauma to keep a good man down.