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Monkeys, faggots and quarks, oh, my!

January 14, 2008


This list of quotes from various Christian Fundamentalist websites is solid gold. I know, I know…shooting fish in a barrel, here, I admit it…but the level of craziness is such that I just couldn’t let it go.

Some are just trolls having a laugh, I suspect, but the creative spelling makes me think the following is from an actual crazy person.

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I’m going to go fuck a hooker.

ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.

ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I’m going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it’s “not addictive.”

ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!


ATHIEST DAD: Hey!

ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I’m pregnant again. I guess I’ll just get another abortion, since “fetuses don’t count as human life.”

ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!

ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don’t go in the bedroom.

ATHIEST DAD: Why not?

ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking each other in there.

ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?

ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren’t finished yet.

ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that’s fine with me!

This feels real too. It’s from a guy who got annoyed hearing some co-workers talking about quarks (you heard me).

As far as I am concerned if an answer to a question isn’t in the
bible, then the you have no business asking the question. A few years
ago when my wife suddenly had to get an emergency c-section I was
scared. But I didnt turn to any book about quarks. Luckily I had my
palm pilot with me, which just happened to have the entire King James
bible on it! I read a few passages that gave me the strength to pray
for her and the baby to get through this ordeal. I sure didn’t need any
useless trivia books about quarks to find comfort in.

This one, I don’t care if it’s true or not. It’s beautiful.

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make
it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example… sounds impressive, right? But
have you ever seen what happens if yo
u put something in acid? It
dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we’d all dissolve! So
much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

This one is so nuts, I decided to follow the link to the original posting. Whoah, nellie!

Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving
EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed
for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be
exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are.

Finally, here’s one that falls under the banner of “Maybe I’ll just shut my damn mouth.”

“If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it
contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If
it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity
is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.

2 comments

  1. […] to Graham Linehan’s – it’s like stalking, but without the secrecy or the scariness – here he is talking about strange quotes found on fundamentalist […]


  2. […] Monkeys, faggots and quarks, oh, my! This list of quotes from various Christian Fundamentalist websites is solid gold. I know, I know…shooting fish in a barrel, here, I admit it…but the level of craziness is such that I just couldn’t let it go. (tags: humour christianity crazy quarks evolution) […]



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