Come in and comment it up at Comment Corner!

November 23, 2007

Any thoughts on this week’s nonsense?


  1. The one person who actually seems to like the Kindle is Neil Gaiman (http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2007/11/me-in-manila.html) who seems quite comfortable with it. Me? Give me the thoroughly beta tested paper variety.

    In other news, Roger Avary (writer of Pulp Fiction amongst many other things) seems to have difficulty with accessing a script he co-wrote many moons ago which is on a 5.25″ floppy drive and in a word processing format that’s obsolete (http://www.avary.com/messageboards/viewtopic.php?t=166). Which makes me ask why they didn’t keep spare printed copies of it? At least you could OCR it.

    Technology. It’s all crap and obsolete before you’ve even taken the wrapping off. Back to the chalk and blackboard.

  2. Rolf Harris should have been in charge of England on Wednesday. At least he knows how to draw.

  3. Why oh why oh why oh why?


  4. RE: Doolio’s comment.
    That’s just not on.
    Here’s something I wrote a while back…

    “Fuck Me, I’m Karen Taylor.
    Defying all logic, bubble-headed “comedienne” Karen Taylor gets her own show on BBC Three.
    All your favourite characters return; Pre-Menstrual Woman and Miss Harper the teacher/ sex predator.
    Let’s see how many times she mentions her tits (last weeks tit-count: 207)”

  5. Karen who? Don’t watch much TV these days, thank goodness. Just enough of what I like, and not enough to be writing letters to Points of Arse. Or whatever they call it these days.


  6. This can’t be true, can it?


    Piloh Sh*t? If so, best damn thing that man has ever contributed to the world of entertainment.

  7. Thanks for posting all those links to the videos, funny and serious and such. I’d never find those things on my own.

    And now for the embarrassing bit. I don’t know of a virtual way of slipping this under your door, knocking and then running away so I must do it rather publicly. I don’t often do “fanart” (I don’t like that word but technically, that’s what it is) and it’s even less often I get to show it to the people/person who inspired it. I did this: http://www.leighyoung.com/extras/the-it-crowd.jpg Thanks for the laughs! I would have waited for more comments before posting mine but I missed my chance last time.

  8. About the French ad, I’m French and I’ve never seen it before – thank god! I do remember an Orangina ad with men dressed as bottles though.
    But if you want to see a recent and completely fucked up french ad, check out this one:

    It’s supposed to make you want to drink milk but after seeing it like a billion times on tv, I just never want to see a cow anymore.

  9. Loving your work, Mr Linehan. Not just on the telly, but on this site too.

    That is all.

  10. One day I got a bit carried away on the Simpsons movie website and I did this:

  11. I was into Harlan Ellison aged 19 or so, but his prose is rather purple for my tastes now. I watched the Masters of Sci-Fi episode he wrote and it was atrociously overdone, like a cross between a drunken Paddy Chayefsky and those TV things Dennis Potter wrote while dying and obviously unable to self-edit.

    He is an amusingly angry man though, good clip! His 60s TV columns may be his best stuff (THE GLASS TEAT).

  12. On Moore, Spiegelman and Clowes : the best part of their appearance (which represented an excellent five minutes or so in an otherwise awful episode) was Moore being asked to sign a copy of this DVD

    Also, this probably won’t interest you in the slightest, but since I’m here, I might as well chance my arm – here’s a recent article about some stuff you wrote.

  13. I have never read a single thing by Harlan Ellison, but he used to be on this show on the Sci-Fi channel when it first came on the air in the early 90s where he’d rant about everything under the sun. I remember eagerly waiting for his new rant every week (in one rant he explained how the internet was a den of misery where people do nothing but bitch and moan about their pathetic lives – hahaha).

    Anyway, it was awesome to see that interview with him – I thank you for posting it!

  14. In reference to the Kindle- in a world that has the iPod Touch, you can’t bring out a product that looks like something that fell off an 80s photocopier.

  15. One of lifes great pleasures is falling asleep whilst reading a book, sure the Kindle increases your chance of being burnt to a crisp by a healthy margin?

  16. This little ditty amused me more than anything I saw on US TV this week:

    From the UK side I got to watch this weeks Mighty Boosh which was trippy as well as The Book Group which was something of a gem.

    Amazon.co.uk kindly sent me Catterick which I thought was frigging brilliant but my American girlfriend failed to grasp the magical nettle.

    On the technology front I upgraded to an iPOD Touch for that big lovely screen. The IT Crowd looks lush. I’ve almost filled it with IT Crowd, Catterick, Mighty Boosh and Thick Of It for next weeks fun flying activities.

    The Kindle strikes me as dogs plop and I will therefore not be kindled on this or any subsequent crimbo.

    Cheers Nigel

  17. The unsubscribe film was more disturbing that I thought it would be – Having become jaded by the countless horrors and delights of the web* I was surprised just how much this affected me.

    Thank you.


    *and some of those things you’d really really like to “un-see”, wouldn’t you?

  18. Re: A Clarification. I’m sure no-one cares, but series 3 of Father Ted was my favourite.

    Also, of course you don’t have time to spend defending yourself against trolls – and you don’t have to apologise for it – it’s your blog and you do what you like with it! I think it’s more than generous of you to open up the comments once in a while, and I certainly don’t expect even that – you’ve got work to do!

    Sorry I’ll shut up now – byeeee x

  19. Wise words Debs!

    Arguing with trolls is like wrestling a pig:
    You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it…

  20. One for IT helpdesk guys everywherez

  21. Actually I do remember one thing: The entry confirming all conservatives are closet homosexuals. And I especially enjoyed the entry on “gay bowel disease”. I had visions of intestines dancing around and saying “Oh don’t make me eat that, it’ll go right to my colon”.

  22. I wanted to make sure you had seen this ridiculous story:


    What’s the best way for us to submit items of interest to you when comments are off?

  23. Arguing on the internet is like competing in the special olympics. You may win, blah blah blah… Sure you’ve all heard the rest.

    Look forward to our Lord and Master Sir Graham of Linehan opening all comments again. This weeks it’s been a case of “When he puts the comment thread up I must say…” only for me to now forget.


  24. Glad you liked the “You gonna light that pipe?” cartoon I did. I’m a fan of Black Books, so I’m honored. (I babble about it here.)

  25. Okay, that’s odd… My second comment it timestamped 5 minutes BEFORE my first… Spooky! Curious what time this shows up for.

    To comment on Graham’s latest post, about people bitching about The IT Crowd… I can’t understand people bitching about either Matt or Chris.

    First of all I had never seen Matt before his incredible debut in The IT Crowd. (Even now I keep doing the dramatic “FATHER!!!!” line as I find it endlessly amusing.) Since then I’ve seen him on “Screenwipe” waxing lyrical on Ronnie Hazelhurst, and on Peter Serafinowicz’s show. (Which was hilarious.) The guy was fantastic.

    As for Chris… I don’t get people bitching about him either as he’s great. (Of course that may be because I identify with him so much.)

    In fact I don’t get people bitching at all about the show. At the risk of inflating Graham’s ego, I consider the name Graham Linehan attached to something a sign it’s going to be bloody funny and worth my time.

    I think the problem is the internet is just a cesspool of snark. It’s far easier to bash something than it is to praise it. You praise stuff, you’re a pandering fanboy. Or worse, either the person in question, or associated with them. You condemn stuff, you’re “cool”. Case in point: Elsewhere on this cesspool that is the internet I was posting positive comments about a particular software company, based on my experiences with them. A bunch of people piled onto me and accused me of working for the company and shilling them… All because I spoke positively about them.

    13 years I’ve been on the net now. (Boy are my arms tired! No, wait, that joke doesn’t work…)

    And while I’m here (sorry to ramble on) I have a serious comedy writing question for Graham.

    A friend of mine has just written a comedy script (which was badly formatted, poorly spellchecked, but the actual comedy was hysterical). I have a theory on comedy as I write a bit myself. (In fact I’m on my second draft of a screenplay I wrote earlier this year.)

    So, the question: When writing a funny line, do you think it’s important to get to the joke quickly? I realise a long rambling speech to get to a pay off is fun. For example my friend wrote a gag that was funny. Only a six word sentence. However I felt it was funnier if he removed one word, as the way I explained it was it “got to the joke quicker”. I just wonder if I’m being too anal retentive, or if my attention to comedic detail is a good thing.

    Right, I’ll shut up now. Sorry folks.

  26. P.S. Regarding the Kindle: Nice design. Because you don’t want to lug around all those books as you’re fleeing the Cylons, do you?

  27. On your recommendation in the last comments section, I bought ‘Bird by Bird’. I’m only 20 pages or so into it, but so far it’s offered loads of good advice on writing and lots of great suggestions as to how to get started each day. So cheers for suggesting it.

  28. Just wanted to say thanks for answering my question last time. How are you getting on with your 100 a day?

    I don’t know about anyone else but I quite like these sporadic comments sections; it adds a whole new sporting element to the blog. Perhaps you could impose a strict time-limit to up the stakes.


  29. I’m sorry that the internet gets you worked up be times Graham. I have dipped my toes in a few times to end up getting bitten. I think that you can equate some people on the internet with the same reverence as the needy. Any ways for an instructive lesson on the internet check out the PSA that the machinima dudes at red vs blue put together :

    I particularly like the online dating comparison.

    Any ways keep up the good work, just finished IT season 2 I’m interested to see what you come up with next.

  30. That should, of course, be season 3, damn these stubby fingers!

  31. Many thanks for the wonderful blog. It’s my find of the month. Good to see somebody who writes intelligently about comedy. It’s a rare thing.

  32. Graham, your comment about ‘running out of ideas’ on s3 of Ted surprises me – I’ve always thought it was the best one – in fact I’m back at Uni and I just had to do an essay for a unit called “sound, image, text’ and I chose ‘chirpy…sheep’ because of the soud fx gags – it was brilliant and great to have the excuse. In the course of researching for it I came across an interview where you were talking about how you and Arthur started out and it really inspired me. You were talking about the UK being a ‘meritocracy’ and how you saw the number of writers on ‘Smith and Jones’ and decided to send sketches in. Writing comedy is one of those little, shameful secret, desires in the back of my mind that I have always just assumed would never happen because there is such a small margin for error, but your interview was really inspiring and may well prompt me to one day do it. So I look forward to the tips you mentioned in last weeks comments thread.
    BTW – I caught a gem of a new Australian series here the other night called ‘the Librarians’ which you can stream from http://www.abc.net.au/tv/librarians – well worth a look!

    Right, now I’m off to vote in Australia’s version of Bush/Kerry 2004 where the same right wing nob-ends will likely get re-elected while I look on in helpless despair.

  33. Graham, thanks for the Peep Show tip in your last comment round-up :) I’ll hunt it down. The tsunami of banality is looming on US TV already… though some would say it struck long ago.

  34. Peep Show is genius IMO. But then I’m a big Mitchell and Webb fan. (“That’s Numberwang!”)

  35. I was wondering….has anyone made the tape dispenser that Dougal uses in the airplane episode of Father Ted?

  36. Gahhh! So… many… comments…. can’t… reply…. to… everyone! I was away from the computer for a few hours today and, well, there’s just no way I can catch up.

    Thanks for getting in touch. I’m looking at everything and very grateful for everything, so please don’t feel ignored if you don’t get a personal response.

  37. Sorry, but your heartfelt reply to the critisism made me backtrack for a comment..
    “Matt Berry is disgraceful.”

    HAHAHA!!! Genuinly gut laughing off of that! read that again… it just makes you think of his performance!!
    Ahh, I say again, thank you Graham for Matt this series. He BETTER be in the next!

  38. It was crazy spotting you in Crawdaddy.. you, Arthur and Berry all in the one night was a bit of an overload.. I was expecting to turn around to see Leslie Nielsen or something. Thanks for being ridiculously lovely!

  39. I really appreciate your blog. I’m in the U.S., but I’m a huge fan of British comedies like “The IT Crowd” and “The Mighty Boosh.” You mentioned in an entry that “Peep Show” is on par with “The Office,” so I watched season 4 and I have season 1 on its way. Thank you so much for the tip! The last time I laughed that hard was the episode of “The IT Crowd” where Moss, Roy and Jen go to the theater to see the gay musical “Gay.” I have to say that I prefer American drama programs, but nothing compares to British comedy.

    I really enjoyed the Harlan Ellison video you linked to. I read that professional actors are undercut by reality television “performers” now that those shows are so popular, and it’s much more difficult to find work. Does reality tv have the same impact on writers?

  40. I just don’t understand the popularity of the UK “The Office”. I’ve seen it and think it’s the most overrated show of the last 20 years, and Gervais is also massively overrated.

  41. Thanks for posting the Unsubscribe link Graham, I have managed to garner a few more names from my Leeds United forum. We’re not all lager swilling, Nuts reading simpletons us North England footie fans.

  42. I never said you were! :)

  43. Quick question: Matt Berry’s playing live in Edinburgh tonight… if I go will he try to rape me?

  44. Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
    “Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?”

    “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

    “What sort of trouble?”

    “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

    “Went away?”

    “They disappeared.”

    “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”



    “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

    “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

    “How do I tell?”

    “Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?”

    “What’s a sea-prompt?”

    “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”

    “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

    “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”

    “What’s a monitor?”

    “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

    “Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”

    “I don’t know.”

    “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”

    “Yes, I think so.”

    “Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”

    “Yes, it is.”

    “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”


    “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”

    “Okay, here it is.”

    “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”

    “I can’t reach.”

    “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”


    “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”

    “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.”


    “Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”

    “Well, turn on the office light then.”

    “I can’t.”

    “No? Why not?”

    “Because there’s a power outage.”

    “A power… A power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”

    “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

    “Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”

    “Really? Is it that bad?”

    “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

    “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

    “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”

  45. Hi!

    My clown film is back up on youtube for anyone who always wanted to see a very serious hard look at the troubling issues of clowns and crime.

  46. Well, I happily stand corrected. Rudd is a strange awkward fellow who included in his victory speech the description of how they were going to party after the election win as “a strong cup of tea and an iced vo vo”.

    This has stuck with me as it seems a strangely fitting image for him.

    Here is an iced vo vo: http://www.annatambour.net/icedvovo1.jpg

  47. http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/071126c.php

    has this (about a US Ted) been posted before? I just had a look but can’t see it. Balderdash or News??

  48. Ted’s been on the go for years. I shouldn’t comment on whether I think it has a snowball’s chance in hell of working.

  49. dear god, why do the Americans have to do their own versions? It’s almost like they are offended by other cultures.

    I came across that rumour a while back and really thought it was an april fools joke.

    I suppose it’s like the French and Germans dubbing the simpsons and missing out on Dan Castellaneta, Harry Shearer and Nancy Cartwright. Ted without the original cast would be like Fawlty towers without John Cleese.

    I think Steve Carell etc did a great job with the office, but I cant see Fr Ted working.

    I guess that’s what people say of any kind of remake…I’m sure I’ll still hunt it down on youtube. [/rant]

  50. Seen you again last night on Alan Partridge, your reaction to Alan breathing on you when Lynne was talking is hilarious, seen it loads of times but just as funny every time, just reeled back coughing in disgust, love it :D

  51. Found this gem in the Catholic league archive (yes I search the catholic league archives for fun). I am sure Mr. Linehan has read it already and it may be a blast from the past for others aswell. If only the CLs reaction to father ted was a hostile as it was and is to Dogma and the Golden Compass, it would have meant a hell of alot of free advertising in the states.


  52. Oh please reply to the Catholic League Graham, pleeeeeaase

  53. What? And get into a flame war with the albino from ‘The Da Vinci Code’?

  54. I can’t see a remake ever making the light of day in the US of Father Ted. Surely due its main characters being incompetent and immoral clergymen, this instantly makes it a no-goer in the ‘land of the righteous’?

    However, I have to say that I worked as an Asst. Secretary in Rectory in Boston, many, many years ago, before Father Ted came to fruition, and I was astounded by the characters’ similarity to every priest that I worked with. The only difference was the ‘tea-lady’ was the real-life Secretary!!!

    But outside my own creepy parallels of reality and fiction, I hope for the sake of comedy that FT isn’t plundered and becomes another US/UK crossover statistic!

  55. Hi Graham,
    You probably get this alot but could I send you a script I wrote for a episode of the IT Crowd? it could be crap but i’d quite like to see what you think, as i would like to get into writing.

  56. Sorry, T, I don’t read ‘It Crowd’ scripts for legal reasons. Also, as a general tip, it’s always a much better idea to take your time and do an original idea. Most shows in the UK are written by the creator/s, and it’s never very likely that they’ll accept scripts. Far better to come up with your own show and see if that hits.

  57. ok fare enough but it was great :)

  58. i mean fair enough, hehe i’m a real good writer lol

  59. Sir,

    I assume that you approve all the postings on this comment board so you don’t have to post this one.

    Reason is I have your dotcom name and want to give it back to your goodself. I didn’t buy it for profit etc.. any of that craic, just tried to safe guard it in case it went ‘all porn’. I can prove it easily by having it divert to another site and then hand it over to your good self. Drop me a mail when you have a chance. It didn’t cost me anything really (about $5 dollars per year or something so I’m not charging ye).

    Anyho, take care and speak to ye soon, Paul

  60. He rised. ,

  61. Instead of investing in world class players, we have to watch Blunderous playing in the centre of the midfield, whilst Denilson and Song bumbled around and looked like charity givers at the christmas party. ,

  62. Surveys can be distributed on-site, by mail, or by mail with telephone follow-up. ,

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